Remus Lupin, Teenage Werewolf
by QuEeNoFrAnDoM
Summary: Remus John Lupin is a 15 year old werewolf that goes to Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. Sirius is his best friend and classmate, a total manwhore. They decide to spend a few weeks at James Potter's house, and Sirius starts to get curious.
1. Cynicism & Babies

**Disclaimer: **I do not own the Marauders, nor the crappy computer I'm writing this on. -Franki

"Moony?," asked Sirius from his perch by the window. The two teens sat in James' room, both dressed in Muggle clothing and waiting for James to come back so that they could go down to the nearby Muggle village.

Remus looked up from his book, brushing a lock of golden brown hair from his caramel-colored eyes. "Yes, Padfoot?"

Sirius found himself smiling innocently, his bright blue eyes closed and shaped like small U's. "How are babies made?"

Remus froze, looking at his best friend in surprise. "What?"

"You heard me."

"Yes, but you already know how babies are made. You've done it yourself!"

"Yeah...So?"

"So why are you asking if you already know?"

"'Cuz I felt like it, duh!"

"..._Sirius,_" said Remus, growing very annoyed.

"Alright...Would you believe me if I said that I wanted to explain it to Regulus?," asked Sirius innocently, his lips curling in a smirk.

"..."

"..."

"No."

"Aww, Moony! Come on, or else I'll start singing the song!"

Remus' eyes widened. '_Not the song!,_' his brain screamed. His eyes narrowed, and he snarled, "Do it and you're dead."

"Moooooony, the big g-," Sirius started, and Remus snarled, sighing.

"All right, all right! When a man and a woman love each other very much..."

"Or are just plain horny."

"Quiet, you. Ahem...When a man and a woman love each other very much...They have a baby. Fin."

Sirius pouted. "You're no fun."

"Fun is your thing. My job is to be smart, cynical, and to ignore you and James."

"Who's cynical?," asked James as he entered the room, rubbing his hair dry with a fluffy white towel.

"Moony is! Moony is! ...Hey, Moony?"

"Yes, Sirius?"

"What does cynical mean?"


	2. What hasn't Sirius done?

**Disclaimer: **Better computer that I own, but still don't own the Marauders. But boy, if I did... -Franki

James let out a bark of laughter, dipping his hands into the pockets of his jeans and looking at his two friends as they stood outside a pub, Sirius being his usual chipper self and Remus his dictionary-brain self.

"Moony, _puh-lease!_ You'll never get a girl if you insist on using such big words all the time!," whined Sirius.

"I don't want a girl, Sirius," said Remus coldly. "I'm not into dating."

"You're not?!," cried Sirius in horror, staring at his friend as if he'd never seen anything quite like him.

"Nope. I mean, James has Lily, Peter has that Janice girl, and you have a new girl every week. Plus, you've shagged pretty much every teenage girl in Britain! I don't want to be with anyone you've been with!"

"How 'bout her?," asked James suddenly, pointing over Remus' shoulder. Remus turned and his jaw dropped. A short girl with bubble-gum pink hair stood standing by a nearby shop window, muttering to herself. She wore a white long-sleeved shirt with a purple sash trailing across her chest, a bright red vest that only went halfway down her torso, and a pair of khaki shorts and trainers. She looked about 13.

"Too young for Moony," said Sirius with a grin. Remus closed his mouth and turned to argue, but the girl came flouncing over. "Er, sorry to bother you, but have any of you seen a Dalmation around here? I lost one," she said.

"No, I'm-Wait, is that it?," asked Remus, pointing at a large Dalmation sitting nearby. The girl blinked.

"Oh, yes it is! Thank you! I'm Amanora," she said, grabbing the dog's leash and coming back over.

"I'm Remus, and these are my friends James and Sirius. It's nice to meet you."

"Same. By the way, call me Nora. You guys from 'round here?"

"I live in the house just outside the village. Rem and Siri are visiting for the holidays before we head back to school," said James

"Ooh, where do you go?," asked Nora curiously.

"A private school outside London," said Sirius quietly.

"Ees eet 'Ogwarts?," asked a new voice, and a dark-haired woman appeared behind Nora, her eyes the same shade of brown as hers.

"Er, yes. How'd you know?," asked James.

"Nora ees transfehring zere. She used to go to Beauxbatons, but 'er fahzer got a job in zee Ministry 'ere, so vee asked Dumblydorr to let 'er go to 'Ogwarts and makes some Eenglish friends."

"Oh, magnificent! A transfer student!," said Remus, smiling. "That sounds wonderful."

"Not really. Especially since I'm fifteen and it's the middle of the year, so I won't know half the stuff the fifth years are doin'," said Nora, shrugging.

"We're fifth years. Lily Evans, my girlfriend, would probably help you out!," said James, and Sirius glared at her as Remus groaned.

"She's not your girlfriend!," they groaned.

"She doesn't even _like_ you, James!," said Sirius.

"She hates your guts!," added Remus.

"She'll love me one day! You'll see!," said James angrily, crossing his arms and looking away.

"That'll be the day Peter hurts a fly," said Sirius with a laugh.

"And Sirius is arrested for something he _didn't_ do."

"What _haven't_ I done?"

"...Almost nothing."

"'Zactly."

Nora laughed. "I have no idea what you guys are talking about, but can I hang out with you? You all seem like great guys!"

"Sure," said Remus and James.

"No," mumbled Sirius, glancing at Remus, who looked delighted that she would be tagging along as Nora's mother dragged off the dog.


	3. Author's Note

Franki: Hey everyone, Franki here! Me and Caitlin will be taking a short leave for a while, so I'd appreciate it if you guys would continue on with your awesome reviews! We really appreciate them!

Mark: Yup!

Roger: Grrm...

Mimi: -clings to Roger- Oh Rog! You know you love them, too!

Roger: Bah, humbug.

Franki: Uh-huh...

Caitlin: -clings to Mark's arm- Roger's weird.

Mark: Try living with him.

Sirius: I'd LOVE to! -evil grin-

Remus: -whacks Sirius upside the head- Yer mine!

Sirius: -cuddles Remus- I LOVE YOU!

Remus & Franki: Good boy, Sirius.

Caitlin: Innyway, we love you all and thank you for your comments! Until next time!

- The King (Caitlin) and Queen (Franki) of Snape-dom


	4. The Obsessor, The Idiot, and The Traitor

Remus laughed, grinning widely at Sirius as they sat in James' room with the other Marauders. Sirius didn't grin back. Remus frowned.

"Wusrong, mate?," he asked worriedly. Sirius never looked this annoyed.

"Nothing...I don't like that Nora girl. She seemed too...peppy. Plus, her hair looks stupid. What is she, color blind?," asked Sirius in annoyance.

Peter and James sighed, and James looked at Peter. "Told you he was in denial," he said.

"In denial?! About what?!," cried Sirius.

Remus sighed. "I'm going to get some butterbeer," he said, getting up and leaving the room to escape any embarassing silences. Or worse, knowing Prongs and Padfoot.

"You. Like. Moooony," said the horrible Peter teasingly, smiling widely underneath his mop of blond hair. ( Franki: Have I mentioned that I HATE Peter? )

"No, I don't! I'm not gay!," protested Sirius.

"Gary Oldman," said James calmly. ( Franki: I know he wasn't in any movies in this time, but bear with me. His beauty is timeless. -wipes drool from mouth. )

As if on cue, Sirius suddenly zoned out, his eyes becoming unfocused, and he grinned stupidly.

"Angelina Jolie is ugly," said Peter. Sirius blinked, and scowled. ( Franki: Again, a timeless beauty. )

"Uncool! She's the most beautiful woman _ever!_," cried Sirius in horror.

"The point _is_, Sirius, you like guys AND girls. You're not gay, exactly...Ooh, just say you're pansexual!," cried James, grinning.

"What's a pansexual? Someone who has sex with pans?," asked Sirius like the idiot he was.

"NO, Pansexuality is the capacity to love a person romantically irrespective of gender. Get it?," explained James.

"...No," replied the idiot.

"You're hopeless. Just say you're bisexual," said the obsessor.

"Okay!," cried Sirius.

"...Idiot."

"What'd I miss?," asked Remus boredly as he re-entered the room with four bottles of butterbeer.

"Nothing," chorused the dirty stinkin' traitor, the idiot, and the obsessor.


	5. You're a Metamorphagi!

Sirius grumbled as he climbed out of bed, scratching his head tiredly and looking at the clock. "It's six in the morning, Mrs. P...Why are we up so early?," he asked as he spied Mrs. Potter in the doorframe of the lighted room. He felt a pair of feet collide with his head and tumbled to the floor, groaning as James jumped down from the top bunk of their bed and helped him back to his feet. "Thanks, mate."

Remus and Peter walked into the room now, both fully dressed. Peter stifled a yawn, and Remus looked fully awake.

"Today is September 1st. It's not my fault that the firewhiskey you four were drinking last night affected your memory," said Mrs. Potter jokingly. She was a lot more laid-back than her husband, which was awesomely super fantastically cool! "We're picking up a few kids in the neighborhood today, since their parents are all busy."

"Who all are we picking up?," asked Remus, plopping down on Sirius' bed as James quickly dressed and Sirius gathered up some clean Muggle clothes.

"That Nora girl from Beauxbatons, Lily Evans-_Don't you dare cheer, James!_-and some young man named Severus Snape."

_"Euugh! Snivellus?!,"_ cried Sirius_. "We're taking SNIVELLUS?!"_

"Yes, now go get dressed and come down for breakfast, before I skin you all alive," said Mrs. Potter humorlessly. The Marauders gulped and Sirius got dressed, then they all raced downstairs.

* * *

**_About half an hour later..._**

Nora yawned, leaning against Lily, who leaned back. Both girls were desperately tired, and Severus looked about to pass out from exhaustion.

Remus smiled, rubbing his shoulder. It had been aching since they got up. Probably from the way he'd been sleeping or something. He then noticed Sirius staring.

"Wusrong?," asked Sirius calmly.

"Shoulder hurts. It's nothing," said Remus, shrugging. He then winced as a shock of pain was sent through his shoulderblade. Sirius frowned and pulled Remus onto his lap.

"Here," he grumbled, gently massaging the werewolf's shoulders. "Feel better?"

Remus looked at Sirius. "A little bit...Um...Do you mind stopping? I think we're here," he said. The car stopped and they all got out, Nora latching onto Remus' arm. Sirius frowned and looked away, then snuck a glance back, only to find a girl with blue, shoulder-length hair now latched onto Remus' arm.

"You're a Metamorphagi!," cried Sirius, pointing at the girl, who grinned and brushed a lock of blue hair out of her now lime green eyes before sticking her tongue out at him.

"'Course I am, Sirius! How else could I get my hair to stay in those spikes?," she asked with a grin. Sirius blinked, shrugging it off, and they all entered King's Cross.

One by one, they hurried onto Platform 9 3/4 and stopped in front of the scarlet steam engine, the Hogwarts Express. Mr. Potter shook the Marauders', and Severus', hands, and turned to Sirius and James. "No trouble this quarter, got it boys?," he told them sharply, and they laughed.

"'Course not, Dad!"

"We'll be perfect lil' angels, Andy!"

"Sirius, don't call me Andy."

"You got it, Andy."

"Move along, you seven. Onto the train," said Mrs. Potter, who wrapped her son and Sirius in bone-crushing hugs before pushing each of them onto the train and waving tearfully, her long auburn hair falling into her eyes slightly as she and her raven-haired husband waved good-bye.

"Fancy finding a compartment?," Sirius asked them all as Lily and Remus ran off to the Prefect's Compartment, and Severus went to join the Slytherins.


	6. For Remmikin's sake

Nora shrugged, scratching the back of her head. "I think I'll follow Severus. Later!," she said calmly, running off.

Sirius frowned. "She is _such_ a Mary-Sue."

James blinked. "A Mary-what?"

"You know, one of those girls who act all perfect, and have, like, a totally tragic history? Like Mary Sue and Britney, the blondes I dated last year!," explained Padfoot.

Peter frowned. "Britney was kind of pretty.."

"But a complete idiot," finished James in annoyance. "She was _horrible!_"

Sirius nodded and led them into their usual compartment, flopping into their usual seats, and Sirius ran a hand gracefully through his long, messy black hair, as usual.

It seemed like everything was normal until...

"Oh. My. Gawd! Siri-poo!," cried a ditsy blonde, throwing open the compartment door and latching onto the handsome dog Animagus.

"Hullo Britney," spat James.

"Hi, Britney...," said Peter shyly.

"Hmph," said Sirius, looking out the window. Then, the Mary-Sue powers kicked in, and he jumped on her, kissing her. James twitched. Peter scowled. Remus and Lily walked in and stared in disgust.

"Sirius, do get up off the floor. Britney, get out of here before James has a seizure," said Remus coldly. Both gulped and sprang apart, Britney racing out of the compartment as Sirius pulled Remus into the seat beside him and Lily sat down on Remus' other side.

"Really, Black. Do you have to snog your bloody girlfriend in public?," asked Lily angrily.

"It's those damn Mary-Sue powers! They make me so-," Sirius was cut off as James gagged loudly to block out Sirius' final word.

"Don't just ignore her then. Push her off on someone else," said Nora as she walked in and plopped down by Lily, who nodded knowingly.

"Please, no. We all _need_ to see Britney groping Lucius Malfoy in the corridors...," said Remus, shuddering.

"Yeah, we need to see _you_ doing that, Remmi-kins!," joked Nora, causing everyone but Sirius and Remus to laugh. Remus turned red.

"Luci is _so_ not Remmie's type of guy," said Sirius with a smirk, winking at Nora, who stopped laughing and winked back. Though Sirius hated her, he could always _try_ to be her friend, for Remus' sake.

Remus blushed deeper. "Shut up, Sirius. I'm not gay," he murmured.

"Yeah, and I'm James' wife," said Lily coldly.

James scowled, and Remus grinned. "Good eve, Lady Potter! How doth thou fare this night?," he asked.

Lily stuck her tongue out and played along. "Quite well, Master Lupin-Black. How is your dearest husband this fine day?," she asked, and grinned at both boys' scandalized looks.

"I feel dirty," said James, grinning. Lily looked at Nora, who proceeded to whack him upside the head, then turned to the redhead.

"Might I say, thou hast the strangest taste in men, M'lady. He doth not deserveth thee, let alone any woman as smart as thee!," said Nora flatteringly. Lily blushed.

"Thou hast charmed me with thy kind words, Lady_ Snape._ How doth _your_ husband fare this day?," she asked.

The Marauders barked with laughter, and Remus said, "Lady Potter, to answer your earlier question, dearest Sirius is quite ill. I believe him to be stricken with a brain made of mush."

"No, Master Lupin-Black, he's always had a porridge-brain, or have you never noticed this behind his dastardly good looks?," Lily teased.

"Hey there! There be no reason for such cruel words, Lady Potter. Do not forget I hold your husband's free will firmly in my palm. I could easily have him do away with you," said Sirius cruelly, faking a cruel laugh.

"'Twould be foolhardy. Master James doth love his wife dearly. Those who think otherwise are fools, Master Black. And if you mind not my question, where did thou learn to speak as Shakespeare doth write?," asked Nora curiously.

"My dear husband doth not hide his books well. It is easy to find his Shakespeare novels and read them. Even easier still to memorize you 'doths' and 'thous'," answered Sirius, and Remus whacked him upside the head. There was a squeak, and they all turned to see Peter asleep. They all then burst out laughing.

_'Maybe it's not so hard to befriend Nora...As long as she stays away from my Remmi-kins,' _thought Sirius.

* * *

**Read and review, please!**

Caitlin: But mainly review!

Franki: -whacks Caitlin with his boomstick-


	7. Filler Chapter, Part One

Disclaimer: None of this belongs to me. I got the scene idea from a picture by **blue-fire **on Deviant Art.

* * *

"Remus?" 

Sirius was using a tone Remus recognized well. He sighed and glanced at his friend. "What?," he asked.

"Can I pimp you?"

"No...What does that even mean?!"

Sirius pulled out a small red book and pointed out a word to Remus, who paled slightly.

"No."

"Pleeease?," whined Sirius.

"No!"

"We'll split the profits fifty-fifty," offered Sirius with a sly grin.

"No," said Remus in a hoarse, demonic-sounding voice, and Sirius paled, eyes widening.

"Just do it, Moony," said James, looking up from his book on Quidditch.

"Why should I?!"

"Because you're sexy, and you want us to have enough money to be happy, right?," said Sirius hopefully, and Remus sighed, knowing he wouldn't win.

"Fine," he said tiredly.


End file.
